Continuing from my previous post, we will look at ways to combat the drama triangle referred to as Karpman's Drama Triangle.
At any point, a person can look to solve problems rather than talk about them. Taking responsibility for their actions, having ownership for their thoughts and feelings, direct conflict at the person they are not getting along with, make amends, and respect other people's boundaries and wishes would certainly be ideal. Ever heard the phrase, "Say what you mean, mean what you say"?
For starters, the enabler may choose to encourage the martyr to find positive solutions and respect their decisions in how they handle them. The martyr may identify what they want out of life and begin to shift their perspective to be goal-focused. They may begin to speak up for themselves (be assertive, keep healthy boundaries) and take action. They can recognize their role as a volunteer that always has a choice rather than a victim that believes they have no choice (not making a choice is also a choice). The persecutor may identify problems or make suggestions to create change, but respect others' decisions. They can negotiate rather than demand, so it'll be important for them to be respectful and use active listening. If this sounds like you, be sure to adjust your expectations and don't pressure others to do what you want. Respect boundaries and individuals. Just because someone differs from you, it doesn't make them inferior to you.
Sometimes martyrs want to manipulate others to get their way through pity. If they don't get their way, then they might try to make that person to look like the bad guy and will draw in a third party, the rescuer, to talk bad about you. If a martyr tries to make you look like a persecutor, remain mature. Keep your calm, speak your peace respectfully, and let the person know they are responsible for their own feelings but you have the right to make choices for yourself. You always have a choice in how you respond so do so maturely and with compassion. Martyrs can struggle with emotional dependence and may behave this way to feel loved and appreciated.
A lot of people are hurting, so please act in a way that honors one another and is compassionate. In all things, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."
Self-care skills that are helpful for every person in this triangle may include the following:
-Assertiveness
-Honest and Respectful Expression of Feelings
-Active Listening
-Validation
-Realistic Expectations
-Exercise
-Prayer
-Forgiveness
-Gratitude Lists
-Setting Healthy Limits
-Maintaining Boundaries
-Openness to Negotiations
-Leisure Time
-Reaching Out to Positive Peers
Diana Bigham, LMFT-S, RPT-SThe post Drama Not Welcomed appeared first on Diana Bigham, LMFT-S, RPT-S.
